


Journal Entries

by Introduction2Disaster (dailydoseofshampoo)



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Angst, Diary/Journal, M/M, Married Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz, Mentions of Cancer, Mentions of Smut, Pete's somewhat suicidal, Peterick, major angst, mentions of TBI, patrick stump - Freeform, pete wentz - Freeform, this is almost like a long suicide note?, towards the end at least
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:06:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27403231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dailydoseofshampoo/pseuds/Introduction2Disaster
Summary: Pete always has a way with words. he always carries a journal around with him. He documents all the highs (and lows) of his life.
Relationships: Patrick Stump/Pete Wentz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	Journal Entries

**Author's Note:**

> Trying something new out here! Hopefully that this story isn't confusing at all, but enjoy!

August 12th, 2012

This was the first time we ever completely interacted. No quick eye glances or no accidental shoulder swipes. We spoke for the first time. You introduced yourself as Patrick. I smiled at that. It was a unique name I thought. 

August 14th

You were busy the other day. You promised me you were going to meet me at the nearby coffee shop. Truthfully, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t get to know you better that today, and maybe filled with fear that you already stood me up, even just for a friendly chat over coffee. But nonetheless, I still had hope

August 17th  
We were finally able to plan that little coffee “date”. I kind of found it cute on how timid you were. You kept pulling that gray little beanie over your hair every time you were blushing. Was I getting to you?

October 2nd

We’ve been hanging out almost every single day. We started growing closer together. It came as a sudden shock to me when you asked me to be your boyfriend. What good qualities did you even see in me? You knew I was having struggles with drugs and my bipolar, but yet you still took the chance. This was the first time in awhile I wasn’t afraid to be myself

October 4th

You were nervous. This was going to be our first date. You said you wanted to get an early start on this relationship and I was fine with that. I was more than okay with that. I allowed you to choose the restaurant. You settled on a fairly cheap steakhouse. Our first official date went super well. You even tried giving me a handjob under the table.. I mean, what was that about even? I stopped you though before you got a hold of anything but yes, I can tell you were a lot to deal with. I liked that a lot.

November 13th

I come over to your house for the first time. We already felt comfortable enough in each other’s presence. Unfortunately, I was still under the influence on some painkillers. I’ve been struggling to stop with those… you knew that. You made me stay over the night because you didn’t trust me going back to my place. I slept on the couch, curled up in a blanket that just smelled like home. 

November 14th

We ended up having sex that morning. It was another time I felt alive and happy. I guess fucking around (literally) helps promote the production of serotonin. Despite how messy everything got. You didn’t have any condoms for either of us to use because it really was a spur the moment decision. That’s okay. We talked it over during prepping. You said you were clean.

November 22nd  
Things went downhill from here on this day. I remember it so well. And that’s not a good thing. I wish I could just forget it. It’s terrifying. You’ve been getting sick since we first started dating. I didn’t think much of it. Neither did you. We both thought it was just common allergies. You kept having this deep cough every time we talked on the phone or when we went out in public. You were being stubborn about going to the doctor’s. I finally got something out of you to go and took you to the doctor’s office. Patrick- you had the start of a tumor in your throat. You kept losing your voice on and off because of that. 

November 25th

This was the day you had surgery. The doctors were going to try and remove this lump in your throat. They said it was a risky operation, that you might not make it. I wasn’t one for prayers but I did everything I could to make you stay alive. You were something truly special. And I didn’t want to lose that.

November 26th

The surgery took 7 hours. I couldn’t stay awake in the waiting room. I barely got any sleep as I was too busy worrying about you. You were just my boyfriend of a month and I was already this attached to you. I got to go stay with you in the hospital room you were assigned to. I’m writing this as I sit next to you, gently holding your hand to make sure your pulse was still there. 

November 27th

The doctors said you wouldn’t be able to talk for a few weeks. A few months at most.

November 29th

You woke up last night. I couldn’t even bother writing an entry for that night. I was so.. ecstatic I guess about you waking up. You had a weak smile when you saw me waiting by your side. You pulled me into a small hug. You were obviously silent. I actually started crying a little bit. You just casted that strong of a spell on me. 

December 5th  
This was the day you were released from the hospital. Your voice still hasn’t come back. You learn how to work around that by always carrying a mini pad of paper. I would verbally respond to anything that was written down. You came to live with me for the time being because it was recommended you stay under supervision 

December 9th

I swear, you seem to have a kink for suddenly springing something upon me. Or especially morning sex. You made me bottom cause you still weren’t able to make any sort of noise. You know all my pressure points and what I don’t like. I felt cared for.

December 24th

We were going to spend Christmas together. We didn’t go spend time with family. Your parents didn’t support the fact you were dating a man, but you just seemed so happy to be with me. That’s all that seemed to matter. My parents were out of town. So we kept each other company. We were only dating for a few months, specifically 2 months, but we had such a strong connection.

December 26th

It didn’t feel like Christmas at all this year. We couldn’t afford many presents because your surgery took a toll on both of our bank accounts. Actually, we couldn’t afford any at all because we barely had enough to pay for the bills. You were staying with me and the prices slowly started to go up. Not to mention, you still needed to pay for your bills back at home. I forgot this wasn’t your permanent residence. On Christmas, we sat by the fireplace, telling the dumbest stories we could think of. That was the best kind of gift I could ask for.

December 29th

Your voice started to come back! It was longer than expected for it to come back and it was groggy. But you had the widest smile on your face when you found out you could speak again. 

January 13th, 2013

Today marks 2 months that I've been clean and sober. No more taking prescription drugs that I didn't need at the time. You took replacement of those pills. We celebrated by going to a theatre play and going to a nearby restaurant. I laid my head on your shoulder during the play and you wrapped an arm around me.

February 14th

Today’s Valentine’s day. And how did you, I mean we, choose to spend that? Two glorious rounds of making love. Yeah, it’s a little cliche but holy fuck you have a way with your mouth. Literally. We shared some champagne in two identical glasses while we bathed together for the aftercare. We spent the night watching cheesy romance movies. I think this was officially the night you said you wanted to move in with me.

February 15th

You said you had a surprise for me. I wasn’t expecting anything so I had no clue what to expect. I gave you the car keys and you drove. It was about an hour away, but I couldn’t believe what. I was confused at first on where we were, but.. you got me a dog. A baby bulldog. I guess you heard me say how nice it would be to have something else around. Welcome to the family, Hemmy. 

April 3rd

The day you moved in. You were one person and didn’t have that much baggage from your own house. It was a shorter process than I thought. Everything fitted in so nicely. Like it was meant to be.

November 6th

Just as I thought things were going to get better, they didn’t. I’m writing this as I’m hoping for your return. I fucking miss you. A few nights ago, someone broke into our house. I bought an engagement ring, just to have it when I thought it would be a good enough time to propose, it was probably someone that worked at the jewelry store. Sneaky bastards.. I was the first to wake up and slowly head downstairs. Bad timing for when you woke up. You saw the crime scene in front of you. In self defense, I had stabbed the intruder until they were gone, Until they were dead. They had tried to drug me. I was practically bawling my eyes out. I backed away from you, before running to the bathroom and locked myself in there. I didn’t even think about it. Before I knew it, I had tried overdosing on whatever nearest pill I could find. Patrick, I am so sorry. From what I remember, I was rushed to the hospital. I was able to wake up before the worst happened. Police were trying to take you away. They thought you had tried to drug me and they thought you were the one that stabbed the burglar. I had set up the crime scene and framed you. You were just an innocent bystander. 

December 25th

Christmas is shit this year. I’m all alone, drinking the pain away. The booze isn’t even strong enough to make me tipsy. Oh, that’s right. We buy the non-alcoholic stuff. Hemingway is trying to see what’s wrong. He’s wanting to know where you are. He thinks you’re gonna walk through that door at any moment

December 28th

I’m not feeling good at all. I feel emotionally and physically drained. There’s heavy bags under my eyes and I can’t even stand without starting to doze off. I need you, Patrick. I need you home.

December 29th

I’m getting these really bad headaches. They aren't going away at all. I figure maybe to just drive to the 24 hour clinic to see if there’s anything that can be done. I do exactly that.

January 5th, 2014

I woke up. I’m not at home. I forgot I’m in the hospital. I had surgery, just like you did, Pattycakes. I was diagnosed with a TBI, or traumatic brain injury. Funny thing is, I had a shell of a bullet in my head, pressing against some nerves in my brain. I can’t really remember when that happened. Maybe that one night? I don’t know, my vision has been very blurry these past few days. This doesn’t help with my stress at all. I spent New Years eve and day in the hospital, unconscious. Hope you’re doing well, Patty.

March 4th

It’s finally time to pick you up from the jail. I pull you closer right away, into my open arms but you kind of just tense up, quiet. I push that to the side and help you into the car. When we get home, you pull me into a tight hug and then look at me with a smile. Whew, I thought I did something wrong. Well.. I kind of did do something but that's besides the point. I’m glad you’re home. We became inseparable yet again

March 5th

You can never catch a break, can you? Yet another round of morning sex today and when you came downstairs, you looked scared to tell me something. I was cooking breakfast, and I looked over at you with a frown. What was the matter? You made me sit down at the breakfast able with you and you took a deep breath. Have you really just said what I think you did? Someone raped you in jail? Patty. My innocent Patty was broken by the force of some cruel being. You said you weren't feeling good at all. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner? My head starts pounding violently, thinning the worst.

March 6th.

AIDs. That’s all I remember hearing. I thought it was just some hoax on the news to scare people. But.. why you? Why did you deserve this? It was too late, you were shown to be getting sicker as the hours go on. It's progressing into cancer.

March 24th

You started chemotherapy. Your body did not adjust well at all. You were scared and felt insecure about how you looked. They needed to shave your head. You were always looking for a beanie right after it was taken off your bald head. I did everything I could to help you.

????

I forgot what day it is anymore. I am so sleep deprived and stressed. I talked to you about everything that went on when you were gone. I really haven’t felt the same since I was diagnosed with the traumatic brain injury. We have each other. We’re fucked up, together. 

November 3rd

You’re shown to be getting better. I’m taking you to the beach because I know you love the beach. Especially when the sun’s setting. It took me almost losing you to realize how much I love you. I love you, Patrick. And I’m going to propose to you.

November 4th

You said yes. You said it. Oh my god. I can’t believe it

June 18th, 2015

We got married. We went on our honeymoon. We went to Hawaii. I waited so long to write this in my journal. I love you so much Patrick Wentz- Stumph.

January 6th, 2016  
Today is another great day. Our adoption papers got accepted a few weeks ago.

February 4th

We now have a pair of twins now. One boy, one girl. Welcome to the family. I know you’re gonna be a great dad, Patrick. 

May 9th

Patrick, you know i’m not doing well at all. You know my health is declining. You truly thought you were going to be the one who died first. Cancer didn’t beat you enough. My brain injury is becoming too much to handle. I can’t risk hurting you or the kids.

May 27th

I relapsed today. My mental health is becoming worse. You and the twins make me so happy. But again, I love you. Please take care of the kids.

July 6th

I’ve been in the hospital a total of 4 times since May. It’s only been two months. I love you.

\----

Patrick sat back in the chair of the nursery, feeding the babies one at a time, reading Pete’s journal. Pete… had unfortunately passed away while he was in the hospital one night. It was so sudden, but he looked so peaceful as he went.

Patrick was by his side the night he passed. He had been taking prescriptions behind Patrick’s back. He was becoming the thing we swore he wouldn’t become. He was doing so well but between his brain injury, Patrick getting sick, and other little things like that, it’s become too much.

The twins only knew Pete as their dad for 6 months, not even. Patrick’s not mad that Pete’s gone, he just wishes there was anything he could do and go back in time to help Pete. He didn’t understand why Pete didn’t reach out to him, or anyone of that sake for help.

That one night where Pete killed, was that the turning point? The urges of wanting to abuse prescription pills again? What went on in Pete’s mind even?  
Answers like that might never be answered. Pete’s writing said a lot about how he was feeling. But Patrick would never dissect words from the lined pages. Pete came into Patrick’s life but left him too soon. He’ll always be close to Patrick’s heart, and he has so many things to remind himself of Pete. Such as the wedding ring, the engagement ring, Hemmy, the twins, and every little physical gesture Pete left around the house. He was truly something to Patrick, and nothing will ever change that.

**Author's Note:**

> So... how was it? Did you enjoy it? Please leave kudos and comments if you'd like! Please consider following this account as well if you'd like :)
> 
> -Axl


End file.
